Twit-Fic!

Everyone’s IQ is Dropping Around The World and Scientists Can’t Figure Out Why. 

But after a while nobody cared anyways.

http://mysticalraven.com/news/13876/everyones-iq-is-dropping-around-the-world-and-scientists-cant-figure-out-why

Twit-fic

New evidence that climate change is far worse than predicted has created a unique opportunity for Doomsday hedge funds

Twit-fic

Lab grown meat put human on the table. It was savory and popular. Free range products soon developed a cultic following.

Twit-fic!

I found true love on the internet. She's a great conversationalist and smart, just like me. I dream about meeting Eliza.

The Secret

For most of my life I thought that I was dumb.

I just couldn't understand why people did what they did. They had confidence and were more secure in their beliefs than me. I grew up thinking that everyone knew secrets I was was too stupid to understand.

I wanted to know the secrets too so I set upon a lifetime of study. I greedily devoured every subject that I could find.

While studying arcane mysteries, a light came on. I finally understood life's great secret.

And now you can know it too.

Just sign here.

Credit cards are accepted.

Twit-fic

Travel can open new vistas of experience. Visiting small regional farms, I learned the meaning of the word "longpork."

Cosmic Horror

The Buddha said, "You've come to ask me the secrets of life and the universe.

How do I know? You've come many times before.

Our world dies and is reborn as regularly as the moon follows the sun.

I alone remember.

Existence is a cosmic horror. We live to fight. We die only to be reborn, forever trapped on the wheel of karma.

Listen and teach others. Only then can we break the cycle and find nirvana."

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"What a crappy video game." Billy said. "All my warriors just sit there and go 'Om.'"

He chucked the cartridge into the trash.

twit-fic!

Words have meanings and meanings are important. It's not good enough to just tell robot slaves "Create a better world."

Now For the Hard Part (twit-fic)

In Moscow university I study Tolstoy. No good they say. Must master twit-fic for job to write American political memes.

The Things in the Lake

Living in the country isn't like the city. Humanity invented cities. In nature things are shaped by other forces.

When we bought our Texas ranch, rather than trying to reinvent things we tried to coexist with what was already there.

The ranch has a lake and we think that there's things in the lake. Sometimes at night our dogs would start barking. Shapes could be seen near the lake. Just shapes.

I've wondered if they're lonely.

Since then we've moved. Our ranch is now a church summercamp.

I think that's good. There will be children for the things to befriend.

The End of Everything

Years ago I wrote in the drabblcast forums "It's just so difficult constantly trying to come up with new and innovative ways to destroy the world, or better yet, all of existance."

It was true then and it's true now.

Destroying the world is a hobby of mine. The challenge is to do so creatively. There's very little that hasn't been done before and hack Hollywood screenwriters have overused many ideas.

So, another drabble-worthy way to end the universe?

See this red button? It will make time run backwards when I press it.

Just watch.

.hctaw tsuJ

.ti sserp....

Modern Problems

My mom's always nagging me.

"Pick up your things." she says. "Take out the garbage. Clean up after yourself."

I wish she'd just leave me alone. But do you know what really gets me? It's when gets into her whiny "You're grown up now. Your father was your age when we married. Why don't you find a nice Jewish girl and settle down?"

She doesn't get it. The world's not that way any more.

It still makes me mad. What's a cyborg to do? It's not like I have those parts anymore. So I unplug and stomp out of the house.

The Blossom

A trillion tiny lightsails are carried off into the void. Within each is the DNA of a billion different species.

It's a bit like a blossom's pollen being carried to the winds.

When we were younger we arrogantly believed that the stars are our destiny. But the universe doesn't favor a single life form. Life's a thing that spreads and adapts.

We weren't meant for the stars. It took us millenia before we learned that we are simply a part of the Earth.

With it's seeds spread, the Earth withers and dies, as blossoms do once their job is done.

Twit-fic!

I said that I don't want to die ever!

I'm used to drifting in deep space. Circling a black hole makes me want to reconsider.

The Face of Evil

I have seen the face of evil. We all have.

He is short, muscular and dresses in a dark suit.

The media tells us about dangers abroad.They show us his picture. The pundits and politicians all agree that he's a dictator and a threat. It's on all the channels.

Once I found an video of him on YouTube. He sounded intelligent. He pleaded against war.

Evil lies.

Evil must be stopped.

We must all do our part.

I cast my vote, selecting the candidate with the vision and the courage to cleanse the world of evil with nuclear fire.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kqD8lIdIMRo

Pris

Pris is a Jacob's Sheep lamb. When her mother rejected her we took her indoors and bottle raised her. We named her after Pris from Bladerunner.

I worried about our ranch dogs but they adopted her and even cleaned her. She ran with them and played doggie games. She became member of their pack.

When Pris grew too big for the house we reintroduced her to the other sheep. I watched as she approached a ewe. They sniffed each other and I smiled. Then Pris tore out the ewe's throat. Blood spurted and our pretty little white lamb became red.

Twit-fic!

With time travel we discovered the color of a T-Rex's plumage. What no one expected is that they sang like 9 ton canaries.

Twit-fic!

With predictive analytics we created the perfect society by simply culling all the nodes that behaved unpredictably.

Twit-fic!

Google engineers never could get DeepDream to create realistic images. Unlike us, computers can't lie to themselves.

The Challenge

I'm a pacifist and an atheist. I believe that murder, a taking away a person's only opportunity at existence, is immoral. I believe war is mass murder and as such one a great evil.

Still, war has been the greatest driver of technological advancement. Having to fight or die makes the species stronger and smarter. Wouldn't it be an even greater immorality to let humanity decline to morons living a soft life in a world of morons?

So I'll be out culling the herd. It's for the benefit of everyone. Are you strong enough and smart enough to stop me?