Tuesday, August 27, 2019

The Design Document

It's said the Necronomicon is a book of dark secrets that drives men to madness.

I've studied the Necronomicon. It's a design document.

Earth was once dark, fiery and radioactive. That was the age of the Elder Gods. After dark millenia passed new life evolved. The Earth was transformed and the Old Gods slept.

The Necronomicon says that we were created to prepare the world for Their return. We were made clever and aggressive to disinfect this world of life.

Most men seek to know their purpose. The Necronomicon has given me the answer.

Now is that really so crazy?

Friday, August 23, 2019

The Slum Lord

He awoke from a dream about a great cyclopean city of titan blocks and sky-flung monoliths, all dripping with green ooze and sinister with latent horror aside a gray, dead sea.

The next day was a busy one.

Accountants advised him to start with a single building. Architects proposed replacing non-Euclidean geometries with a simple cube. He personally nixed green ooze in favor of his trademark gold.

Unfortunately, not even the influence of ancient evil could sway the level headed Danes.

Frustrated, in the early hours of morning he tweeted the artist's concept of his failed tower project.

------

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2019/aug/19/trump-greenland-tower

Friday, August 16, 2019

The Drabble Writer

I used to write drabbles.

They were unhappy things, a product of life in a place where there is always the fear of an unexpected and violent death. 


When I was young we all feared annihilation in nuclear flames. As an adult, I knew that just looking at another motorists could incite road rage and a fatal shooting.


Drabbles were a release for my existential angst. 


Two years ago I retired and moved from the US to Spain.


Live is good here.


My muse has left me.


The sun is coming up. I think I'll go and get another beer.

Tuesday, February 26, 2019

Twit-Fic!

She turned and smiled at him. He smiled back, looked her over, silently appraising what he could sell her body parts for.

Thursday, December 27, 2018

Twit-Fic!

If sanity is to see the world as it is we're all insane. But those who are sane know their insanity.

Wednesday, December 26, 2018

Candidate Search

It's well hidden in the darkest corner of the dark web. It can only be found by searching though the child porn, snuff porn and necro porn seeking something more sinister, more depraved.

They say that there's anonymity in the dark web. Don't believe it. Clever programmers have set clever traps. In a room in a dingy neighborhood in an unnamed city a man waits. When the trap is triggered he arranges a pickup.

It's how we find our best people.

Join us amongst the elite.

We offer leadership positions in all the major religions and the political parties too.

Sunday, December 16, 2018

Twit-Fic!

When geoengineering proved to be inadequate to save the Earth CRISPR viral aerosols were added to the chemtrail mixes.

Monday, October 15, 2018

Twit-Fic!

Everyone’s IQ is Dropping Around The World and Scientists Can’t Figure Out Why. 

But after a while nobody cared anyways.

http://mysticalraven.com/news/13876/everyones-iq-is-dropping-around-the-world-and-scientists-cant-figure-out-why

Sunday, September 30, 2018

Twit-fic

New evidence that climate change is far worse than predicted has created a unique opportunity for Doomsday hedge funds

Saturday, September 29, 2018

Twit-fic

Lab grown meat put human on the table. It was savory and popular. Free range products soon developed a cultic following.

Thursday, September 27, 2018

Twit-fic!

I found true love on the internet. She's a great conversationalist and smart, just like me. I dream about meeting Eliza.

Monday, September 24, 2018

The Secret

For most of my life I thought that I was dumb.

I just couldn't understand why people did what they did. They had confidence and were more secure in their beliefs than me. I grew up thinking that everyone knew secrets I was was too stupid to understand.

I wanted to know the secrets too so I set upon a lifetime of study. I greedily devoured every subject that I could find.

While studying arcane mysteries, a light came on. I finally understood life's great secret.

And now you can know it too.

Just sign here.

Credit cards are accepted.

Sunday, September 16, 2018

Twit-fic

Travel can open new vistas of experience. Visiting small regional farms, I learned the meaning of the word "longpork."

Wednesday, July 18, 2018

Cosmic Horror

The Buddha said, "You've come to ask me the secrets of life and the universe.

How do I know? You've come many times before.

Our world dies and is reborn as regularly as the moon follows the sun.

I alone remember.

Existence is a cosmic horror. We live to fight. We die only to be reborn, forever trapped on the wheel of karma.

Listen and teach others. Only then can we break the cycle and find nirvana."

--------

"What a crappy video game." Billy said. "All my warriors just sit there and go 'Om.'"

He chucked the cartridge into the trash.

Tuesday, June 26, 2018

twit-fic!

Words have meanings and meanings are important. It's not good enough to just tell robot slaves "Create a better world."

Sunday, June 24, 2018

Now For the Hard Part (twit-fic)

In Moscow university I study Tolstoy. No good they say. Must master twit-fic for job to write American political memes.

Monday, May 28, 2018

The Things in the Lake

Living in the country isn't like the city. Humanity invented cities. In nature things are shaped by other forces.

When we bought our Texas ranch, rather than trying to reinvent things we tried to coexist with what was already there.

The ranch has a lake and we think that there's things in the lake. Sometimes at night our dogs would start barking. Shapes could be seen near the lake. Just shapes.

I've wondered if they're lonely.

Since then we've moved. Our ranch is now a church summercamp.

I think that's good. There will be children for the things to befriend.

The End of Everything

Years ago I wrote in the drabblcast forums "It's just so difficult constantly trying to come up with new and innovative ways to destroy the world, or better yet, all of existance."

It was true then and it's true now.

Destroying the world is a hobby of mine. The challenge is to do so creatively. There's very little that hasn't been done before and hack Hollywood screenwriters have overused many ideas.

So, another drabble-worthy way to end the universe?

See this red button? It will make time run backwards when I press it.

Just watch.

.hctaw tsuJ

.ti sserp....

Sunday, May 20, 2018

Modern Problems

My mom's always nagging me.

"Pick up your things." she says. "Take out the garbage. Clean up after yourself."

I wish she'd just leave me alone. But do you know what really gets me? It's when gets into her whiny "You're grown up now. Your father was your age when we married. Why don't you find a nice Jewish girl and settle down?"

She doesn't get it. The world's not that way any more.

It still makes me mad. What's a cyborg to do? It's not like I have those parts anymore. So I unplug and stomp out of the house.

Monday, April 23, 2018

The Blossom

A trillion tiny lightsails are carried off into the void. Within each is the DNA of a billion different species.

It's a bit like a blossom's pollen being carried to the winds.

When we were younger we arrogantly believed that the stars are our destiny. But the universe doesn't favor a single life form. Life's a thing that spreads and adapts.

We weren't meant for the stars. It took us millenia before we learned that we are simply a part of the Earth.

With it's seeds spread, the Earth withers and dies, as blossoms do once their job is done.

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Twit-fic!

I said that I don't want to die ever!

I'm used to drifting in deep space. Circling a black hole makes me want to reconsider.

Saturday, September 24, 2016

The Face of Evil

I have seen the face of evil. We all have.

He is short, muscular and dresses in a dark suit.

The media tells us about dangers abroad.They show us his picture. The pundits and politicians all agree that he's a dictator and a threat. It's on all the channels.

Once I found an video of him on YouTube. He sounded intelligent. He pleaded against war.

Evil lies.

Evil must be stopped.

We must all do our part.

I cast my vote, selecting the candidate with the vision and the courage to cleanse the world of evil with nuclear fire.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kqD8lIdIMRo

Friday, September 16, 2016

Pris

Pris is a Jacob's Sheep lamb. When her mother rejected her we took her indoors and bottle raised her. We named her after Pris from Bladerunner.

I worried about our ranch dogs but they adopted her and even cleaned her. She ran with them and played doggie games. She became member of their pack.

When Pris grew too big for the house we reintroduced her to the other sheep. I watched as she approached a ewe. They sniffed each other and I smiled. Then Pris tore out the ewe's throat. Blood spurted and our pretty little white lamb became red.

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Twit-fic!

With time travel we discovered the color of a T-Rex's plumage. What no one expected is that they sang like 9 ton canaries.

Friday, November 13, 2015

Twit-fic!

With predictive analytics we created the perfect society by simply culling all the nodes that behaved unpredictably.

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Twit-fic!

Google engineers never could get DeepDream to create realistic images. Unlike us, computers can't lie to themselves.