Friday, July 30, 2010

Science Fiction

When I was young there was all sorts of crazy ideas in science fiction. Take, for example, Star Trek. They had tiny flip-open communicators and tricorders that could tell what's happening inside someone by just pointing it at them. Everybody knew those things were impossible but as the years went by we were proven wrong. Those writer's imaginations became real with cell phones, computers, space telescopes and all sorts of other inventions. Eventually science fiction became science fact.

I guess we didn't learn. When "Terminator" came out we thought it was full of impossible ideas too.

Sunday, July 25, 2010


She was a cruel child but that really wasn't her fault. If there was blame, it could be placed on billions of years of evolutionary competition.

When she found the nest it became her toy. She took pleasure in destroying the insect's habitat, burning them, crushing them and inflicting other tortures that she devised. What did it matter? It's not like they were people.

When she heard her mother's call, she left her plaything behind. But before she did so she carefully marked the Earth's location so that she could come back and play again.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

The Secrets of the Illuminati

It was a lust for power that drew me to the Sacred Order of Illuminati. I took upon myself an oath to willingly sacrifice my life should I reveal any of the order's secrets. In the decades that followed I spent many hours memorizing arcane ritual, seeking the greatest of the secrets of the Illuminati.

I'm old now and my life is slipping away. I'll soon be beyond their reach, so I will share that secret with you:

We're just a bunch of old guys who meet and drink coffee to get away from our wives.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Bon Appetit

Without a doubt it was the most expensive meal that had ever been. A hundred men and a ship were lost in it's procurement. Twice as many men were damaged beyond redemption. Under the watchful eye of the worlds greatest chef, the rings floated, bubbling in hot oil.

The world's wealthiest man was sipping wine as the world's most expensive meal was presented to him. He sniffed and his nose wrinkled. With a thoughtful expression he put a piece to his lips and took a small bite. His expression turned sour and he waved the plate of C'thulhumari away.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Being God

It's tough being God. Most people don't have a clue. They say things like "If I were God there wouldn't be these kinds of problems." Right. Adjusting the universal constants was trivial compared to getting the Jews and Arabs to talk. But that's in the past.

I like to make my creatures happy. Sometimes I even make an extra effort like when little Sally Jenkins asked me to make her birthday warm and pretty. I nudged the Earth's orbit just the tiniest bit.

Well, at least the Jews and Arabs aren't arguing any more.

Friday, July 9, 2010

The Church of Schrödinger's Cat

Harry dressed for church.

He'd never liked churches before discovering the Church of Schrödinger's Cat. It's members didn't promise an afterlife, they just promised his luck would change. He could use some luck.

Today would be his hundredth trip into the Cat's Box.

Harry owned two kinds of sweat socks. Low tops and high tops. He randomly pulled two socks from the drawer. When they didn't match he pulled another... and then another.

Staring at the indeterminate socks he was holding Harry realized that they'd told him the truth. His luck really had changed.