Thursday, December 24, 2009


They said that his death is for the greater good. Jobs will be created. Soon a black ops team was winging to the North Pole.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009


If they failed to solve her riddles then it's off with their head. He gave her the answers and won an ice princess instead.

(What are the riddles?)

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

The Question

They were the gatekeepers to the netherworld, spirits who weighed the souls of the departed.

He had been a good man in his day. A philanthropist and a man of letters. Under normal circumstances they would have sent him to the afterlife of his faith. Buddhists to Nirvana, Christians to Heaven and so forth. But since he was an atheist their task was to create an afterlife tailored to his desires.

They asked him one question. "What are your favorite fantasies?"

Given the circumstances, perhaps his answer was ill considered. He replied, "Oh that's easy. Those written by H.P. Lovecraft."

Monday, December 21, 2009

Little Gods

His first attempt was a failure. His creatures didn't do what he wanted them to do so he drowned them. All, that is, but one who followed his commands regardless of how silly they sounded.

His brother wanted to play too. They changed the game to see who the creatures would obey. One creature praised him no matter what he did to it. That made him happy. After he destroyed that one they split the creatures into teams and had them fight each other.

Mommy called down the hall, "Boys, stop playing Little Gods (™) and get ready for church."

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Paradigm Shift

Driving into Austin today I listened to political talk on XM Radio.

On the left Dave Marsh said that the Democrats sold us out to big insurance. On the right Mike Church said that the Republican Party is in on it too. These statements don't surprise me. People are finally starting to wake up.

Those with money and power are only interested in bleeding us dry. Then they can buy us out for pennies.

Left versus Right. They distract us by keeping us fighting among ourselves.

The sun is setting on America. It's the dawn of a new Chinese millennium.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

The Tomb

Before history everything was wild and food was plentiful. It's said God created paradise so that we would multiply.

Generations passed and the world became more crowded. Our philosophers asked "Who are we?" Our scholars asked "What is the world?"

A group of scientists said that because resources are finite we must limit our numbers. Religious leaders retorted that God commands us to multiply. Ultimately we lacked the political will to change.

We tried to escape but in the end we choked on our own wastes.

The home of our people became a tomb. Our Epitaph read Chateau Margaus 1995.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Alien vs. Predator, Remixed

The Borg was the master of the galaxy. It had assimilated every species in the Milky Way but one. That species was unknown. No member had ever returned from the unknown ones' planet.

The Borg approached the unknown ones' world with a million ships. They offered assimilation or destruction. Resistance is futile.

On the planet was a city with a single inhabitant. It was assimilated and the quintillion members of the Borg collective all descended into screaming madness.

Evolution had not equipped the Borg to share the mind of Cthulhu, who lives in not just three dimensions but in seven.

Sunday, December 13, 2009


His opera The Ballad of Lost C'mell is considered a masterpiece. But the high notes make all the neighborhood dogs howl.


Studying her notes, she imagines existing in just three dimensions. What would life be like in such a cartoon universe?

Friday, December 11, 2009

Harry and the Internet

The Internet watches over Harry.

Harry was slow to realize that it's talking to him. He began noticing patterns in the data that it provided. The Internet speaks in it's own secret way.

Harry knows that the Internet sends messages only he can understand. It tells Harry the things that it wants him to do.

The Internet takes care of Harry. When he kills it sends the police elsewhere.

Credit cards often arrive in the mail. The Internet provides Harry with the money he needs to execute his missions.

Harry's work is important. He's helping the Internet change the world.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009


The credit card collections guy called again. I told him that I'm broke. He told me to check out


Ron Jeremey found it hard to play the straight man in the comedy film One Eyed Monster but he was up for the task in the end.


The problem with infinite parallel universes is that every possibility must occur, Ed mused on his billionth birthday.


How about a kitty smoothie I asked. Kay made a face. I turned the blender on high. The cat purred as she lapped her smoothie.


The NIS computers parsed the Twit-Fics searching for hidden messages. The Predators and the spooks were then deployed.


The men with high voices said Ed must be initiated before attending the UNIX conference. Something's wrong he thought.


Dr. Wan had not fully considered the consequences of altering probability when he invented the Gambler's Friend (TM).


The black monolith modified Ogg. He began to think. Unfortunately the big cat was unimpressed by Ogg's use of calculus.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The Hidden Masters

They were beaten back from their attempt at conquest. Their military was crushed and thousands burned in the oven of nuclear fire. After the defeat they withdrew and bode their time.

Reaching out with their minds they enthralled others, especially those who possessed wealth and power. "Bring us to you." they whispered. "Take pleasure from our presence."

Conquest would be more difficult this time. The world has changed. Commanding a single emperor is no longer sufficient.

Tina went with her mommy to visit Uncle Fred. He's very rich. Tina especially likes his pretty koi fish. Sometimes they talk to her.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

But Is It Art?

The actors didn't know that they were acting. They had been assembled with each neuron perfectly constructed to inform them of a history that never existed. Once placed upon the stage each man, woman and child performed superbly, behaving with a sense of self-determination that was itself a lie.

The drama was a short one. The actors behaved with horror and died by the billions as missiles left their silos and followed ballistic trajectories to their destinations. When the play was complete the stage was blackened and uninhabitable.

Some say the creator is a genius. Others claim that he's mad.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

A Small Town Parade

The parade wound around the Caldwell County Courthouse. First came the police cars with lights flashing and screaming sirens. The high school marching band was next, followed by the first float.

"It's a dinosaur daddy!" cried a little boy.

Sure enough, a thirty foot long tyrannosaurus rex followed a fire engine around the corner. The dinosaur's green scales provided sharp contrast to the shiny red engine. It seemed to grin as it's head swung from side to side, snapping up the occasional spectator.

The boy clapped his hands in pleasure as the parade moved past us, on down the avenue.