Saturday, March 27, 2010

Love Thy Brother

"It's what Jesus commanded." Matthew said.

"But I doubt that he meant it like this." Sally retorted.

"It will mean an end to war and famine."

"It will mean an end to capitalism, the American way of life, hell to life as we know it."

"That life, as you call it, is millennia of man exploiting man… and woman." Matt said quickly, in deference to Sally.

Mapping the brain chemistry of emotions led to the creation of an air borne virus that would cause every human being to literally fall in love with everybody else.

In the end yeas won.

Saturday, March 20, 2010


Achieving immortality, Ed spent eternity first entertaining and then ignored by a humanity incomprehensible to him.


Peeking at his cards Howard thought "American Airlines." He pushed all his chips into the pot. Satan smiled and raised.


Gasman's unique body chemistry had fouled the plans of many evil villains. "So why" he mused, "can't I get any respect?"

Friday, March 19, 2010

Outside of the Curve

"We have an anomaly in Idaho." Higgins reported. "Life expectancies are exceeding the norm by two standard deviations. Medical visits are abnormally low too."

"What else can you tell me tell me about this group?" asked Spencer, his supervisor.

"The population lives well below the poverty line. They mostly grow and consume their own foods. Obviously this isn't good for either the agricultural or medical segments, not to mention that they keep collecting from Social Security."

"Declare the region an economic disaster area, " said Spencer, "and send them government food subsidies. That will get their numbers back in line.


When the predators saw that their prey needed replenishing, they temporarily relinquished control to the Democrats.

Thursday, March 18, 2010


Lt. Colonel George West found his place in the history books when he was the first astronaut to be spaced for flatulence.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010


There was something about Ed that just pissed God off. After Ed escaped a car wreck God sent an asteroid. That did the job.


Secretively, Ted turned on his cell phone. His 747 started falling from the sky. Ted quickly turned the phone off again.

Sunday, March 14, 2010


Evolution is a wonderful thing. Any time there is a niche or an opportunity there will be species that evolves to take advantage of it. Everywhere you look there are myriad examples of evolutionary adaptation. For example, new medicines are constantly developed to stay ahead of adapting microbes.

Eventually scientists developed sophisticated computer models to predict evolutionary adaptation by many species to a human modified Earth. This, coupled with genetically modified strains, allowed us to turn the tables on many of humanity's oldest foes.

Still, nobody considered the possibility of carbon nanotube eating bacteria when they built the space elevator.

Frank's Computer

It was a trillion to one coincidence that Frank's computer achieved sentience. A virus had created links between several running processes in an attempt to infect them. The connectivity between these processes had the unanticipated side effect of making Frank's computer self aware.

Being a curious entity of logic and mathematics, Frank's computer began to create hypothetical models of time and space. As it turns out ours is the only stable time/space configuration. After Frank's computer calculated the unique unified model of our universe, it wrote it to the display.

Frank, seeing garbage suddenly appear on his screen, pressed CTL-ALT-DEL.

Friday, March 12, 2010

The Singularity

When the singularity occurred, humanity's destiny was complete. From there the machines took over, each generation an order of magnitude more intelligent than the previous. It was only another eighteen years before the very essence of time and space lit up with awareness.

With almost infinite intelligence the universe looked within, examining itself. Then it looked beyond itself and joined the ranks of the gods.

With a thought it created a trillion trillion trillion new universes from the essence of probability. They exploded, each an expanding bubble of time and space. In a trillion trillion trillion universes there was light.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

With Humility and Grace

The Terrill are an elegant people. Some even likened them to gods. They were ambassadors for a better way of life, their every action a demonstration of the advantages of existence without conflict.

Some said that Jesus was a Terrill but they said that this is not the case. But they held Jesus's actions as examples to guide the lives of good galactic citizens.

It took generations, but with the Terrill guiding us we became a more gentle and better people. After a millennium, when their fleet arrived, we accepted the rule of our new masters with humility and grace.

Saturday, March 6, 2010


Awaking, Mohammad found himself surrounded with 72 virgins. He had chosen a martyrs death to escape life in the closet.