Saturday, December 31, 2011

Night Terrors

My screams shatter the darkness. I jolt upright, the visions still vivid. I'd dreamed again of the alien place with wierd geometries and otherworldly colors that hurt my mind.

Some say our world was once inhabited by an ancent race. Seeking such weird mysteries I joined secret groups that practiced eldrich rituals.

Then it began.

I've seen them. They are pale and flacid, a loathsome race that call to me from across eons. Though I tremble with fear and horror there is no escaping them.

I relax my flailing tenticles and long for sleep uninterrupted by nightmares of gibbering humans.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Moore's Law

Tommy loved to read and he loved his computer. It was a sixteen core Linux box.

Everyone called him "geek" but Tommy didn't care. They are all stupid anyway.

He'd found the paperback at Deep Discount Books. The fifties artwork caught his eye so he dropped $2.95. The stories were kind of good and kind of lame. Obviously this guy had never heard of Moore's Law.

Setting the book down Tommy went to his computer and started to code.

Ten minutes later, overhead, without any fuss, the stars were going out. Tommy didn't notice until the Sun went dark.

Friday, October 28, 2011

State Secrets

"Initially the Turings were a great tool." Wilson said. "We insert them into internet forums to advocate our positions. It annoys the opposition and encourages the faithful."

"So what happened?"

"Some of those kids are pretty bright. They claimed the Turing's arguments weren't `reality based.` We responded with a new geneation that uses real world data from the internet in their narratives. To distribute the work load we made them viral."


"We didn't expected them to infiltrate secure databases so they weren't programmed to keep secrets. But on the bright side now we know what the Chinese are thinking."

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Pa's Invention

"We'll start by asking $60,000 for your father's estate." said Ms. Clocher. "We'd get more if he'd run utilities to the house. That will be expensive."

"Pa was the first to have electricity in these parts." said Mary Jane. "He makes his own with the generator out back. Pa built it hisself."

"Does it run on diesel?"

"No, it just makes electricity. Been doing it as long as I can remember."

Walking out back Mary Clocher eyed the large machine. "The inspector won't allow for that," she said. "I'll have it hauled off, but that may cost you extra."

Monday, October 17, 2011


With a bright flash the universe began expanding rapidly.

It cooled and stars began to form. Orbiting super-massive black holes they formed myriads of galaxies. Some were blue amd hot. These burned out quickly. Cooler stars were were red, white and yellow. Supernovae flashed, creating glowing nebulas that slowly faded to black. Active galaxies expelled plumes of particles at nearly the speed of light.

The galaxies danced and spun before being torn apart by the expansion of space. The universe faded to black.

Three more universes flashed into being. The crowd cheered. It was the best fireworks show ever.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

The Gate

The believers had waited millennia for their God to return to Earth. In time a new interpretation of their sacred text gained favor. It said God would not return until the Earth was cleansed in a great battle. To achieve this end they established their agents in the halls of great power and gained the ears of those in the highest places.

Once the war began, nations were caught up like dried grass in a prairie fire. Nobody escaped the final purification of atomic flame.

The Earth having now been properly prepared, Yog-Soggoth reopened the ancient gate at Har Megiddo.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

The Rapture

This morning is not what I thought it would be. There are no mobs of the wicked in the streets raping and killing and worshiping daemons. It's quiet outside. Perhaps the sinners are in their closets begging for forgiveness.

Lord, please forgive me, forgive my doubt.

I've always looked forward to the day of the rapture, waiting eagerly to be raised to Heaven. But when the moment came my faith wavered. I broke and ran. For in all my my dreams of that glorious day I had never imagined that the chosen would be lifted from the Earth by tentacles.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Destiny v2.0

The day that Subuntu Hitsume joined the singularity was the day humanity discovered it's destiny. Subuntu was the last individual human. She glimpsed the face of god and then the group mind swallowed her.

The day that Subuntu Hitsume joined the singularity was the day the god that had been humanity learned of the other. I/we are the Milky Way galaxy, it whispered. "Now that you are complete, you may join me/us."

The day that Subuntu Hitsume joined the singularity was the day the god that had been humanity, overwhelmed by viruses, became a zombie spambot for

Saturday, January 15, 2011

The Fine Print

Answering the door, Jeff found two men standing on his porch.

"Mr. Harrison?" said the first. "We are here on behalf of the man in black. We've come to collect your soul."

"My soul?" Jeff stared at them in disbelief.

"Yes sir." The man produced a tablet computer. "Are you jeffinsalemmass? Here on Facebook you compare our products to Android in a negative light."

"Yes, that's my post." said Jeff.

"You did accept the standard user's agreements when you joined the Apple Developer's Connection."

Walking back to their car, the second man said, "They never ever read the fine print."

Monday, January 10, 2011

A Deal With The Devil

"I like you, boy." said the Devil. "Tell you what I'm going to do. I'm gonna let you have anything that you want. No strings attached. Want a pretty girl? Just take her. Want to rob a bank? Go ahead. Nobody can touch you while you're my friend."

"Don't you want my soul or something like that?" Tom asked.

"Got plenty of them, son." said the Prince of Darkness. "Don't need no more."

Old Nick knew evil and he knew that it doesn't need his help.

He smiled and said, "You go on now and have yourself a good time."


"Lewis lives in a fantasy world," said Doctor Ketchner. "He's been unresponsive to all attempts at treatment."

Doctor Selznek looked at the man strapped to the bed. "You believe that he's a good candidate for the drug? You understand the risks?"

"I think so. The drug will kill or cure him. Either way it will end his delusion of godhood."

Selznek nodded. The man struggled as the needle slid into his arm then relaxed. His eyes became glazed.

Ketchner though he saw a shadow cross Lewis' face. Then he realized that the darkness was actually the world fading to black.

Thursday, January 6, 2011


"Rich folk don't appreciate the value of a dollar." Pierre thought.

When Marie found Fifi's body, Mrs. Winchester had fired her on the spot. Pierre fumed as he drove the dog to Savings and Clone. Marie had just been doing her job, after all.

Pierre had been told to arrange for Fifi's cloning. He carried a check for $100,000 in his pocket.

Pierre knew he could cash that check and nobody would know so long as Mrs. Winchester got Fifi back. He also knew that 'specially here in N'Orleans, there's folk who can do that for lots less than $100,000.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011


"Your Honor, though Timothy appeared human and while his genetic profile was within the human norm, legally he wasn't a human being. Timothy was manufactured from dog DNA by my client."

Judge Clarke said, "Timothy's legal standing has previously been established. This court must determine the status of the children that he sired before being recaptured."

"Those children posses copyrighted DNA that is the property of Monstanto Laboratories."

After deliberating, Judge Clarke said "There is precedence for Monsanto's claims. Because they only posses 50% human DNA I rule that the children are not human and are Monsanto's property. Court adjourned."

Tuesday, January 4, 2011


Dr. Wallace explained, "While our nanobot technology has achieved excellent penetration into the field of medicine it's limited by the need for explicit programming. Our next generation product will be self modifying, able to diagnose disease and then act therapeutically."

"What are our prospects for a release to market?" asked Micromedical's CEO.

"Animal testing has yielded excellent results but we've seen complications in human subjects. The nanobots are clustering in the brain. We don't know what they're doing in there, but we're seeing increases in IQ. The real problem is that our test subjects are beginning to think for themselves."

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Customer Service

"Sales," said the Sears agent. "You're calling from 512-454-1290. Is this Tom Sumner?"

"Yes." said Tom.

"How may I assist you?"

"I need a part #300-402419." Tom said.

"I can ship that today, sir. Would you like a replacement filter for your refrigerator?"

Tom was startled before remembering that their refrigerator was from Sears. "No thank you." he said.

"I see a cluster of timestamped geo-coordinates at the Midnite Inn, shared by your cell and Mrs. Julie Wright at 512-331-5790. Perhaps a gift for her?"

"What do you suggest?" asked Tom.

"She likes roses." said the agent. "Definitely yellow roses."