Saturday, January 15, 2011

The Fine Print

Answering the door, Jeff found two men standing on his porch.

"Mr. Harrison?" said the first. "We are here on behalf of the man in black. We've come to collect your soul."

"My soul?" Jeff stared at them in disbelief.

"Yes sir." The man produced a tablet computer. "Are you jeffinsalemmass? Here on Facebook you compare our products to Android in a negative light."

"Yes, that's my post." said Jeff.

"You did accept the standard user's agreements when you joined the Apple Developer's Connection."

Walking back to their car, the second man said, "They never ever read the fine print."

Monday, January 10, 2011

A Deal With The Devil

"I like you, boy." said the Devil. "Tell you what I'm going to do. I'm gonna let you have anything that you want. No strings attached. Want a pretty girl? Just take her. Want to rob a bank? Go ahead. Nobody can touch you while you're my friend."

"Don't you want my soul or something like that?" Tom asked.

"Got plenty of them, son." said the Prince of Darkness. "Don't need no more."

Old Nick knew evil and he knew that it doesn't need his help.

He smiled and said, "You go on now and have yourself a good time."


"Lewis lives in a fantasy world," said Doctor Ketchner. "He's been unresponsive to all attempts at treatment."

Doctor Selznek looked at the man strapped to the bed. "You believe that he's a good candidate for the drug? You understand the risks?"

"I think so. The drug will kill or cure him. Either way it will end his delusion of godhood."

Selznek nodded. The man struggled as the needle slid into his arm then relaxed. His eyes became glazed.

Ketchner though he saw a shadow cross Lewis' face. Then he realized that the darkness was actually the world fading to black.

Thursday, January 6, 2011


"Rich folk don't appreciate the value of a dollar." Pierre thought.

When Marie found Fifi's body, Mrs. Winchester had fired her on the spot. Pierre fumed as he drove the dog to Savings and Clone. Marie had just been doing her job, after all.

Pierre had been told to arrange for Fifi's cloning. He carried a check for $100,000 in his pocket.

Pierre knew he could cash that check and nobody would know so long as Mrs. Winchester got Fifi back. He also knew that 'specially here in N'Orleans, there's folk who can do that for lots less than $100,000.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011


"Your Honor, though Timothy appeared human and while his genetic profile was within the human norm, legally he wasn't a human being. Timothy was manufactured from dog DNA by my client."

Judge Clarke said, "Timothy's legal standing has previously been established. This court must determine the status of the children that he sired before being recaptured."

"Those children posses copyrighted DNA that is the property of Monstanto Laboratories."

After deliberating, Judge Clarke said "There is precedence for Monsanto's claims. Because they only posses 50% human DNA I rule that the children are not human and are Monsanto's property. Court adjourned."

Tuesday, January 4, 2011


Dr. Wallace explained, "While our nanobot technology has achieved excellent penetration into the field of medicine it's limited by the need for explicit programming. Our next generation product will be self modifying, able to diagnose disease and then act therapeutically."

"What are our prospects for a release to market?" asked Micromedical's CEO.

"Animal testing has yielded excellent results but we've seen complications in human subjects. The nanobots are clustering in the brain. We don't know what they're doing in there, but we're seeing increases in IQ. The real problem is that our test subjects are beginning to think for themselves."

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Customer Service

"Sales," said the Sears agent. "You're calling from 512-454-1290. Is this Tom Sumner?"

"Yes." said Tom.

"How may I assist you?"

"I need a part #300-402419." Tom said.

"I can ship that today, sir. Would you like a replacement filter for your refrigerator?"

Tom was startled before remembering that their refrigerator was from Sears. "No thank you." he said.

"I see a cluster of timestamped geo-coordinates at the Midnite Inn, shared by your cell and Mrs. Julie Wright at 512-331-5790. Perhaps a gift for her?"

"What do you suggest?" asked Tom.

"She likes roses." said the agent. "Definitely yellow roses."