Tuesday, November 24, 2015


With time travel we discovered the color of a T-Rex's plumage. What no one expected is that they sang like 9 ton canaries.

Friday, November 13, 2015


With predictive analytics we created the perfect society by simply culling all the nodes that behaved unpredictably.

Sunday, July 12, 2015


Google engineers never could get DeepDream to create realistic images. Unlike us, computers can't lie to themselves.

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

The Challenge

I'm a pacifist and an atheist. I believe that murder, a taking away a person's only opportunity at existence, is immoral. I believe war is mass murder and as such one a great evil.

Still, war has been the greatest driver of technological advancement. Having to fight or die makes the species stronger and smarter. Wouldn't it be an even greater immorality to let humanity decline to morons living a soft life in a world of morons?

So I'll be out culling the herd. It's for the benefit of everyone. Are you strong enough and smart enough to stop me?

All the World

According to physics the past, present and future all exist simultaneously. The flow of time is an illusion.The future is predestined.

Shakespeare said all the world is a stage. He wasn't wrong. What we call "now" is just the flickering of a projector.

In the future, physicists will devise technologies to see through the veil. We will know everything and be unable to change anything. Humanity will understand it's place in the universe.

Everybody wants to be a star. Most are destined to be supporting players.

We are an important part of the universe's story. We're the red shirts.

Friday, May 22, 2015


It was unsafe after dark while Johnny Depp developed his character for Dracula. Method acting does that to some people.

Monday, May 18, 2015

Black Friday

After robots replaced most workers the Congress wrote ever more severe laws punishing the "lazy" unemployed for not having jobs.

Eventually being poor, which they reasoned demonstrated anti-social attitudes, was made a felony. To reduce the increased costs of operating new prisons, repeat offenders were deemed incorrigible. The robot executioners stayed busy.

Getting rid of the poor people solved many problems. The world returned to environmental sustainability. Of course those who unwisely over invested in prisons and fossil fuels became poor and were put down.

It was a black Friday when the stock market tanked, taking humanity with it.

Saturday, May 16, 2015

Fermi's Paradox

Scientists have long wondered why our universe is not full of interstellar civilizations. We listen and all we hear is silence.

To obtain star flight all civilizations must follow the same path, that path leading to understanding the very currents of space and time itself.

There are only two ways that sentient beings can react to such knowledge.

We have had visionaries. Lovecraft's writings described deeper truths than his contemporaries knew. Now that the realities he spoke of are understood, Fermi's paradox has been solved at last.

Those of us with enough sanity left to do so will die now.

Thursday, May 14, 2015


I wouldn't eat Soylent Green. It's nasty stuff. The meat has way too many hormones and preservatives in it to be healthy.

Facebook Friends

In all her years on Earth, and yes she has seen many of them, Val never experienced anything as wonderful or convenient as the internet.

Facebook is her favorite. She has cultivated many Facebook friends and she shares with them many pictures of her beautiful home. Val's Facebook friends all know that she lives alone.

Sometimes she places a diamond necklace or other valuables, seemingly carelessly, for the camera's eye.

The beauty of it is that the food always comes at night, and no questions are ever asked.

Technology is wonderful, Val muses, but sometimes she still misses the hunt.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Chicken Dinosaurs

After geneticists at Monsanto discovered how to revert chicken beaks to dinosaur jaws it was not that much more difficult to complete the reversion process. The scientists viewed it as interesting research. The marketing department had other ideas.

"Every kid is going to want one." cried Harry Seems. "Chicken dinosaurs will be the next big thing. Lets face it, our company has developed a bad reputation. This could turn things around for us in the public eye. What could possibly go wrong?"

Monsanto soon developed a joint publicity campaign, with Disney promoting chicken dinosaurs alongside the new Jurassic Park movie.


It was news when geneticists reverted chicken beaks to dinosaur jaws. Continued research made it into emergency news.

Monday, May 11, 2015


The first working bullshit detector was outlawed as a threat to the public good. Of course we all knew that was bullshit.

Friday, May 8, 2015


The aliens said that humanity is too violent to join the Federation. Of course we couldn't let an insult like that stand.

Thursday, May 7, 2015

Google Ads

Google ads are amazing.

This girl I met one night told me that she started seeing ads for maternal clothes before she even realized that she was pregnant. It turns out that pregnant women look at common health care products and Google extrapolated. Sometimes it seems like these new technologies know us better than we know ourselves.

But when she called me that's not all she told me. She also said that the child is mine.

Now ads for shovels, duct tape, rope, plastic sheeting and knives are popping up everywhere when I browse the internet.

Google ads are amazing.

Sunday, April 26, 2015

Finding My Muse

The mud in the trench has turned to ice. The cold has taken the edge off the smell of decomposition. I've lived in this hell for two years now.

We go over the top. Artillery shells explode above us. Suddenly, red hot agony cuts through me. As I fall I see my blood splashing the ground before everything goes dark.

Opening my eyes I take off the psychic amplification headset.

We live in a perfect world and we have lost the ability to create art.

Focusing on the horror that I felt, I pick up my pen and begin composing.

Saturday, April 25, 2015


The doctor spoke sympathetically.

"I'm sorry, but your son is... musical."

The man turned pale. His wife wept quietly.

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Priming the Sale

"He may not look like it," Sam said, "but this little guy's a big money maker. Our clients sell big ticket items. Research demonstrates that when people are depressed they can dramatically overspend on a product."

The puppy was adorable. Sam hit it with a hammer. It yelped then lay twitching. Blood trickled from it's mouth.

"Joey has an advanced polymar construction over a titanium frame. This resets him"

Sam pressed a button on a remote. The dog sat up, it's tail wagging.

"and this button makes Joey run under a moving car. Think of it as priming the sale."

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

A Farther's Love

The world of humanity had come to an end. I knew that our time was short.

 We had stayed together as a family, searching for food until none could be found. Starvation took it's toll. Now only my four year old daughter and I remain.

 They say that a parent's worse nightmare is to see their children die before they do. I'd lost my child once and I refuse to see it happen a second time.

 I kneel before my little girl and give her the hatchet. I hope that she understands. Pointing at my head I say "brains."


The buzzing in my ears was just an annoyance until the day that a fly flew out of one of them... and the buzzing didn't stop.

Thursday, April 9, 2015


The best stories come from personal experiences.

It's 3 am when I break into the morgue, hoping to cure my writers block.

Giving the Devil His Due

I was elderly when my alchemy called up the Prince of Demons. Though he tried to trick me I was resolute. I would only trade my eternal soul for a body that is incorruptible and eternally youthful. He agreed and I laughed at him, swearing that he would never collect his due.

When I later begged Satan to take my soul he laughed and rebuked me, saying that even though I lacked commitment to my oath he would hold me to it.

Black holes are supposed to die in enormous explosions. I look forward to seeing light one last time