Saint Peter mumbled as he studied the book before him. "Church… every Sunday. Twelve Commandments… excellent. Greatest Commandment… very good!"
Looking up he said, "You have lead an exemplary life."
Tom fidgeted nervously.
"However, there's a problem with your baptism. It says here that you were sprinkled, not dunked."
Tom asked, "What does that mean?"
Saint Peter's face darkened. He thundered, "HEAVEN HAS NO PLACE FOR YOU! BEGONE TO THE OTHER REALM!"
The ground vanished and Tom fell screaming into darkness.
Tom was awakened by a huge man in medical scrubs whacking him on his butt. He started to cry.