It was a lust for power that drew me to the Sacred Order of Illuminati. I took upon myself an oath to willingly sacrifice my life should I reveal any of the order's secrets. In the decades that followed I spent many hours memorizing arcane ritual, seeking the greatest of the secrets of the Illuminati.
I'm old now and my life is slipping away. I'll soon be beyond their reach, so I will share that secret with you:
We're just a bunch of old guys who meet and drink coffee to get away from our wives.